


Tell me all the things that make you feel at ease.

by tendertracob



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Blindness, Cancer, Disability, M/M, Minor Character Death, but it is important for the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tendertracob/pseuds/tendertracob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After grieving over the death of a close friend Connor takes the advice from his mother to volunteer at the hospital. He is given the task of driving Troye Mellet, a cancer patient, to the hospital for his appointments. As time goes on they find a friend in each other and grow closer. With Connor's touch, Troye's comfort and a beautiful lullaby maybe they can get through this together. </p><p>or the one where Troye is a cancer patient and Connor drives him to his appointments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The truth is the stars are falling.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and the plot is merely a figment of my own imagination. The events in this story in no way reflects or mirrors real life. 
> 
> I have tried to make this story as accurate as i can, If i have made any mistakes please inform me in the comments or message me and i'll fix it right away!
> 
> (This is part 1 of 3)

February 3rd 2014.

The day was bright and shining, the sun rays drowning the entire scene in light. The trees surrounding the area cast the scene in shade, providing a much needed coverage from the warm heat. The shadows cast by the sun swayed slightly as a weak wave of wind blew though the air. If Connor had been in different circumstances he probably would have tried to take a nice picture, but alas he wasn’t.

He had been standing still for what seemed like hours but in reality it was probably only a few minutes, he was barely listening to the preacher at this point. His words were meaningless and scripted and did nothing to honour the life of his best friend.

The white-washed material of the coffin contrasted greatly to the deep browns of the dirt surrounding it. Connor could already see some of the fall out of the dust scathing the untarnished and finished wood. When he first saw the coffin it had brought tears to his eyes, no that was a lie, his tears had been constantly present ever since last week. The picture of the casket only managed to bring him down further; it felt like he was drowning in his own disposition and sadness. Now seeing the shiny wooden box gave him some slight hope.

The coffin matched her personality perfectly. She was beautiful, pure, amazing… strong. There was no one word which could sum her up, she was Connor’s light and without her he feared that he would get lost in the darkness. It felt as though the shining sun was almost mocking the aura of the service. Not a smile could be seen, as the preacher talked the guests through an underwhelming short summary of his best friend’s life.

He had known her since she was young, been with her through it all. Through the countless doctor appointments and chemo treatments. At one point you wouldn’t have been able to tell where Connor’s responsibilities ended and Beth’s started. They were constantly together, guiding each other. Beth had been diagnosed at the young age of 14. Stomach cancer. 1.4% of cancer patients they said. 10 % survival chance they said. All they thought Beth ever was, was just another statistic. Another name to add to the ‘dead’ column.  After 3 years of fighting and wishing, she had taken her final breath. Connor was in school when it happened.

He could remember the events of the day perfectly; he woke up early, getting a message from Beth’s parents that she was too sick to go in today so he didn’t have to come lift her. Ever since Connor had gotten his provisional last year, they had been dismissed from the horrors which was the school bus. The day went by slowly, he didn’t worry too much, it wasn’t abnormal for Beth to take a sick day, especially after a particularly hard day of chemo. But when he was called out of maths class that afternoon, he knew something wasn’t right. He felt uneasy as he stalked his way to the principal’s office, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach. When he was told the news he didn’t react at first, just quietly laughed. Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the realisation that time stops for no one and that the inevitable had finally happened.

Now here he was, placing down a set of blood red roses on top of the white coffin. Red was always her favourite colour. Tears were streaming down his face now, as much as he wanted to be strong, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. Reckless thoughts floated through his mind, going in one end and escaping the other. He could run away, he could follow her to wherever she was going.

No

He couldn’t.

She wouldn’t have wanted that. She would want him to live a happy life, but the more he thought about it, the less likely it seemed. He clenched his jaw and prevailed, ignoring his automatic fight or flight reflexes. He stayed put in his position and waited for the preacher to finish his well thought out speech. He felt a hand on his back, it was warm. He leaned into it and rested his head on Mrs. Mota’s shoulder. She understood what he was going through better than anybody.

Connor let himself be led back into the silver honda; he stayed silent on the way back to his house. Not knowing what to say.

-

March 5th 2014.

It had been a month.

His days had grown monotonous; he woke up, went to school, got home, showered, and slept. Teachers had long ago stopped asking for his homework, they knew that by just attending school he was putting in a lot of effort. He had to physically kick himself to get up in the mornings, it was as if someone switched his emotions off, and he was functioning almost robotically.

It seemed like everyone had noticed his change in attitude, people at school were inviting him to sit with them, asking if he wanted to go out with them. He declined all the offers, not wanting to bother anyone. He was better off on his own.

When he got home from school that Wednesday, his mother was already sitting down at the dining table, her plate sitting in front of her, untouched. Her eyes followed his movements as he sat down across from the woman. Her relentless stare making him feel uneasy.

“Hello?”

“Connor, before you say anything, I need to talk to you about something. I think tha-“

“I’m not going back to fucking therapy”

“Language! No, that’s not what I was going to say, Connor. Stop being like this. A friend of mine who works in the hospital was telling me that they need volunteers.”

“You know I hate the hospital, why would I go back there?”

“You don’t actually have to go in, you just have to drive-“

“Drive? What are you talking about?”

“If you would just let me finish, then you would know. The cancer ward needs volunteers to drive patients to their chemo appointments, that’s all you need to do. It will get you out of the house an-“

“No.”

“Connor, if you would just listen to me for a second, this would be good fo-”

“I already said no.”

He picked up his bag and draped it over his shoulder, walking away from his mother, if he had of turned back he would have seen the pained look on her face, but alas. He didn’t turn back. He ignored the growling of his stomach as he made his way up the stairs and into his messy room. Clothes were strewn everywhere and his once beloved camera was sitting abandoned on top of his desk, coincidently now adorning a thin layer of dust.

Before Beth’s death Connor had been a completely different person. His usually bright eyes were filled with excitement and amazement for the simplest things. He could see beauty in everything around him and his camera helped him capture that beauty. He liked to believe he saw the world a little different than everyone else, and his goal was to show that to others. He remembered saving up for months before he could actually afford a half decent camera. It was small and had little memory but it took nice pictures and that is what mattered to Connor. Then a year later his mom got him a cannon, he was so shocked he dropped the box. Then continued to cry because he thought he had broken it. The camera wasn’t broken and from that day onward Connor vowed to discover all the beauty this world had to offer.

That was 2 years ago, and now it was sitting on his desk, having not been turned on for a month. He dropped his backpack on the floor beside his bed and lay down on his back, staring at the white wall in front of him. One of his biggest regrets was not seeing Beth out till the end. He wished he could have been there to hold her hand, tell her it was all going to be okay. He admitted that in the last few months he hadn’t been completely open with Beth, they had grown apart a little.

It hurt him to admit it, but it was probably his fault. He just felt uneasy about himself, he had personal problems and inner happenings in his head constantly and he just couldn’t translate that to her, therefore causing a kind of rift to form between them. They still spent every day together but, they didn’t really talk. It seemed that Connor had too much to say, and Beth had too little. She was sick, Connor reminds himself. But did that really matter? He should have tried harder.

His mind wandered back to his mother, who was probably sitting in the living room, worrying about him. He had put her through hell this past month. To the point where she had to force him to go to therapy, but after that clearly didn’t work, she gave in and said he could stop going. She was trying, she really was. Being a single parent was hard, especially at times like these. Connor had never met his dad, he only ever known the life he has now. His mom never talked about him so he never asked. He couldn’t help but be curious though.

He slowly pushed himself off of the bed and dragged his socked feet down the stairs, sitting on the sofa beside his mother. He pulled her into a hug and squeezed tight. He appreciated all she was doing to help him. The least he could do was try.

For his mom.

For Beth.

-

March 22nd 2014.

His car wasn’t anything special, it was small and kind of old, but it was the best an unemployed 16 year old could do at the time. Connor remembered that he had it spray painted red through the request of Beth. She had been so excited when he went to pick her up one day with his freshly painted car. A year of weather and wear later, the car had faded to a pastel red tone, if he was being honest; he kind of preferred this colour.

He pulled into the small housing estate; the neighbourhood was quaint and homely. Connor felt mildly jealous at how comfortable the whole atmosphere was. He drove past the small blue houses until he came to number 36. There was nothing special about the house. It was near identical to all the others, apart from the brightly painted blue door which clashed highly with the standard white.

He stopped in front of the house and opened his door, leaving it open while he walked up the lane to the house’s entrance. Connor never liked the colour blue, to him it just seemed too cold, almost like winter. He softly knocked on the door, not wanting to seem too eager. His stomach was a bundle of nerves as he breathed out slowly. He didn’t know what to expect, all he was told by the hospital was that he had to pick up a ‘Troye Mellet’. The lady on the phone seemed to be in a rush so he didn’t question it and just followed the address, leading him here.

The door opened and a woman’s head popped out, she had a round face and apple cheeks and Connor was honestly astounded by her youthful look. Her hair was down to her shoulders and was a black colour, which complimented her dark eye colour perfectly. She opened the door all the way and struck her hand out, taking Connor’s firmly in her own.

“You must be Connor, Marissa told me all about you, and Troye will be down soon. Thank you so much for doing this, you see me and his father can’t drive, so the only way for him to get there would be the bus, but we don’t think that would be a very good idea”

She chuckled at the end, and let go of Connors hand. He was confused to say the least but he still smiled softly in reply. The woman seemed to want to say more but was interrupted by a figure coming up behind her, and resting a hand on her shoulder.

The hand was long and slender and belonged to a body of who matched the hands appearance. The boy looked to be around Connor’s age, his figure was tall and thin and he was clad in black jeans and a simple black t-shirt. His outfit was complete with a pair of white high-top converse.

The boy said something to his mom, which Connor didn’t quite catch but he watched as the boy stepped out of the door and stood in front of Connor. He faintly heard the front door closing as he glanced at the boys face.

His hair was a curly mop on top of his head and fell over the right side of his forehead. He had shining blue eyes and a pair of plump pink lips to match, Connor was taken aback slightly at how weirdly pretty this boy was. As soon as the thought came to his mind, he pushed it away and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Hi, I’m Connor”

“Troye”

Troyes voice was deep and he had a thick Australian accent, with an undertone of something Connor couldn’t recognise. Without anymore thought Connor walked up the lane and held the door open for Troye, who walked past Connor without even glancing at him once.

Connor watched as the boy extended both his arms and started walking slowly towards the car, until he collided softly with the vehicle. The action caused Connor to furrow his eyebrows as he looked up on the lanky boy entering into the small car and sitting down in the passenger seat and buckling up his belt. Connor walked over to his side of the car and stepped into the already open door and closed it firmly. Troye was staring blankly ahead, and it was frankly starting to creep Connor out. What was this kid’s deal? He didn’t look particularly sick, well at least not as sick as Beth did. Connor swallowed the mean comments which were already starting to form in the base of his throat, not wanting to offend the boy.

As they were driving Connor kept glancing over, but Troye never changed his gaze, he just continued to stare out the front window. 10 minutes into the drive, Troye finally broke the silence.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“i-im not.”

“I may be blind but I know when people are staring, seriously, is there something on my face?”

The boy’s hands went cautiously up to his face as reality caught up with Connor. He was blind. The thought never occurred to him and now that he knew the truth he frankly felt a little stupid. Of course he was blind. Why else would he not be able to take the bus? Why else would he need to feel out where the car was? It dawned on him that he never replied because Troye looked over in his general direction expectantly.

“i um I didn’t know you were blind”

“oh”

Not much was said after that, the silence which gathered around them made both boys feel uneasy, but neither would dare to break it. The ride to the hospital didn’t take long after that and soon Connor was pulling into the front of the hospital, where the lady on the phone had advised him to do so. He heard the unmistakeable sound of the belt buckle becoming undone as he watched Troye pat around the area of the door handle until his long fingers firmly clasped the handle.

Connor wasn’t sure what general procedure he should go with, whether he should ask the other boy if he needed help or if he was okay getting to his appointment. All his worries seemed to be dismissed though as he watched as Troye got out of the car carefully and started tapping a stick on the ground, finding where the edge of the footpath started. Connor hadn’t even noticed the boy had brought the device until now.

As soon as Troye got into the hospital, Connor noticed a lady who had seemed to be there waiting on him. She took his shoulder in her hand and led him further into the building. He didn’t really have any dominant thoughts about the boy; he seemed like a decent enough person, a little quiet though. Thoughts started resurfacing again, he didn’t look sick, that’s what bothered Connor the most. Beth looked pale, fragile even. Yet this boy seemed to look fine, normal, and healthy.

Connor felt a little bad about judging him so harshly after just meeting him not even an hour ago, but it was hard not to compare the two. Connor didn’t know exactly what was wrong with Troye, and he thought it would be a little insensitive to ask. It must be pretty bad considering he had two appointments every week. Beth was terrible and she only had one.

His phone alarm went off with a shrill, signalling it was time to drive back to the front of the hospital. Connor hadn’t realised how long he had been sitting there, just thinking. He got his car into gear and began the short drive to meet Troye.

The first thing he noticed when Troye got back into the car was that, he had changed clothes, his black t-shirt and jeans combo was nowhere to be seen and was instead replaced by a dark red jumper and ripped blue jeans, the jeans seemed to be too big on him and they highly exposed his pale knees. His face was distraught as he buckled up his seatbelt and rested his hands in his lap.

“Are you okay?”

Troye glanced up at Connor and tilted his head slightly, probably trying to figure out if Connor actually did speak or not. He replied nonetheless.

“Yeah”

No more was said after that as they remained silent for the rest of the drive. It took around 25 minutes to get back to Troye’s house. He lived on the other side of town, which was highly inconvenient for having a kid who was sick; Connor didn’t voice his opinions though.

10 minutes passed and Troye had gone back into his house after dismissing him with an awkward goodbye. Connor was now walking into his own house, a feeling of content settling within him. It felt nice to help out someone, but he couldn’t help but feel curious about the other boy. He just screamed mystery.

His mother was there to greet him in the kitchen with a smile on her face; he didn’t have to say anything for her to open her arms warmly for him. They embraced for a few minutes, giving Connor enough time to enjoy the hug. He pulled away and smiled at her.

“You were right”

-

March 26th 2014.

It was now Wednesday and Connor was once again standing on the front porch of the Mellet’s house. His hand had knocked a few moments prior on the bright blue door. The action causing a dishevelled looking Troye to walk out of the house. He shouted his farewells to his family as he walked past Connor towards the car. He nodded his head in the opposite direction of Connor, he must have been trying to acknowledge him, and Connor didn’t correct him. Today he had on a yellow-ish coloured jacked paired with the same black jeans from a few days prior, Connor never remembered him taking them home. Under the jacket was a white t-shirt which had a wolf like head on it, and the word ‘Broods’ printed neatly below it.

A few moments later they were on their way to the hospital, the deafening silence already starting to settle in. with regards to the other boy’s shirt, Connor connected up his AUX cord to his phone and started scrolling through his spotify, seeming to remember that he added one of broods’ songs a few weeks ago. With a gleeful smile he pressed on the tune, the soft notes of the piano filling the car.

_You walked in, said I’ve got some news_

_I didn’t say all I wanted to_

As soon as the music started up Connor could see a small smile forming on Troye’s lips. He saw the other boy glance down slightly, a red blush lightly painted on his cheeks. The cuteness of the other boy surprised Connor, but he pushed his thoughts away and continued on the drive, letting the music fill the car with melody.

-

Connor heard the door open to his car, and looked upon a tired looking Troye sliding into the seat. His jacket was now off and tied around his hips, leaving his arms bare. He could see the mark that the needle must have made on his skin, a mark that he had seen a lot before.

“You okay”

“Yeah”

-

March 29th 2014.

It was now the Saturday after, and Troye was walking out of the hospital, his stick in front of him. When he got into the car Connor noticed something off, he looked different from when he went in, down almost. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and his denim shirt which lay over his white t-shirt now sat on his body very haphazardly. One of the shoulders was sliding off and was pooled around the middle of his arm. He looked a mess.

This past week and half had been different to say the least. He didn’t feel as bad as he usually did, and the push to get up on Saturday was certainly helping. He found himself being excited to see Troye again, but he told himself that, that was only because he enjoyed his company. By company he meant the four slightly awkward car rides a week where Connor played music and Troye was silent. He had found out that when Troye liked a song he would tilt his head slightly, almost like a puppy trying to get a better listen, but when he wasn’t too fond of one, he would blankly stare out the window, a small frown on his face.

Connor found it strange how quickly he had picked up on Troye’s small mannerisms, it wasn’t like he was watching him, he was just observing. The boy was fascinating. A mystery.

So when Troye stared out the window, his hands slightly shaking in his lap, Connor starts to feel his curiosities jump to conclusions. He couldn’t stop the thoughts in his head from whirling around and creating a mess of his perception so he asked the same question he had been asking every time now.

“You okay”

Connor expected the younger boy to say his part and they would drive on like nothing ever happened until the next time.. But that’s not what he did. Instead of answering he shook his head and looked in the general direction of Connor’s side. He could see tears pooling around his eyes. Now that Connor thought about it, the blue of his eyes almost exactly matched the blue of his door.

“What happened?”

“t-the doctor told me that the melanoma might have spread from my chorid to my liver”

**(A/N: the eye cancer might have spread to his liver, I hope I used the terms right, correct me if I didn’t)**

Without a second thought, Connor unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled the younger boy to him, he could feel how surprised Troye was at first but he relaxed into it and grabbed Connor’s shoulders tightly, burying his head into Connor’s chest. Connor’s hands found its way into his hair, silently combing through it while the other boy let out soft whimpers.

Connor could never understand what he was going through, but he could try and comfort him. Whenever Beth got the news that her illness had moved from stage 3 to stage 4, Connor sat there and held her for what seemed liked hours. She always liked it when Connor played with her hair; she said it calmed her down.

He felt the other boy move slightly out of his grasp and back into his other seat, small sniffles leaving him. He looked so vulnerable. Vulnerable and scared.

“i-im sorry, that probably made you uncomfortable, I just had to let it all out y’know? Before I got home and would have to act like everything’s okay and that I’m not scared shitless”

“you are really brave, my friend, B-Beth you called her. She was um, she had stomach cancer. She always said talking out her thoughts made her feel better”

“um well, my parents are already worrying about the expenses of my treatment, and on top of that they are now going to be worrying about it spreading. And I just don’t see the point anymore of trying. Literally and figuratively I guess”

“you are so strong Troye, I don’t know how you do it. You don’t let your disability limit you and that’s honestly admirable”

“it does limit me”

“what do you mean”

“I’m homeschooled, obviously, it would be impossible for me to attend normal school”

“homeschool sounds awesome though, you would never have to leave the house!”

“I guess that’s a benefit, but Connor, I don’t have any friends. I’m never going to experience prom, or bullies or anything like that. I’m never going to be a normal teenager”

“normal is boring, and prom is shit, and bullies are mean. And if it makes you feel any better I have no friends either. Beth.. she was my only friend. We were really close, she died nearly two months ago”

He lifted his hand and placed it over mine; stumbling around slightly before he had a firm grip. He smiled at me, well not at me but more so out the window over my shoulder, but the thought was still there.

“I’m sorry to hear about your friend Beth, maybe we could be each other’s friends then”

“Yeah, I’d like that”

With a content sigh, Connor gently tapped Troye’s hand which was still on top of his own. The action causing Troye to move back into his own seat and set his hands back on his lap. He still had a small frown on his face, a sight which Connor didn’t want to see. So he reached down and plugged in his phone, clicking play on one of Troye’s favourites from his collection. LANY.

As the music filled up the car, Troye’s smile slightly returned and he was no longer looking as down, just slightly lost in thought. Connors drive to Troye’s house was smooth and 20 minutes later they were back in the same familiar street.

Before Troye could reach for the handle, Connor was already out of the car and opening the door for Troye, and walking him up the lane to his house. He was convinced that it was only to make sure Troye got in safely. Laurelle thanked him at the door for being so thoughtful whilst Troye looked down at his feet and blushed slightly as he extended his hand towards the door frame and used it to guide himself back into his house.

When Connor was back at home with nothing but his thoughts to keep him awake, he couldn’t help but think of the blue eyed boy. They had only known each other for a short period of time, yet he felt they were growing closer every time they saw one another. He never had much experience with guy friends but he assumed it would be the same as it was with Beth. Maybe a little too familiar.

His thoughts started going to dark places so he quickly turned his attention to his camera, thinking about what it would be like to photograph Troye.

Troye would make a beautiful subject matter.


	2. The wolves are out calling.

30th March 2014.

The wind was blowing softly as he gazed upon the breath-taking sight in front of him. He pulled his flannel tighter around his chest, a relaxed sigh leaving his lips. It was around 7.30, and the sky had that perfect contrast of pink and gold. His mind was at ease standing there in the abandoned street, not a single soul around to disturb his serenity. Suddenly his camera felt heavy on his neck, only now noticing its presence. Out of instinct he lifted it up to his eye, admiring how the camera caught the perfect gradient displayed in the clouds.

The device captured the moment, a beautiful snapshot frozen in time. He pulled the camera away and searched for the photo in the device’s gallery. Once his gaze landed on the pink thumbnail, he clicked into it, his breath catching in his throat as he admired the portrait. The pastel colours of the sky brought him into a sense of security; it was times like these he treasured. Before Beth’s death he was always taking pictures, constantly carrying the camera around his neck or in his school bag, it never left his sight.

It felt good to have it back in his hands, where it belonged.

After he felt that he got what he came out for, he started his way back home, following the path laid out for him by the seemingly endless pavements. His feet carried him on their own as his mind landed back on exactly what he was trying to push away. The thoughts of the blue eyed boy were clouding his mind and he didn’t know how to expel them. They weren’t even specific thoughts, more so him seeing Troye in everything. When he would do his work, he was reminded how Troye wanted to attend public school, when he listened to his music; Troye’s small smile filled his every thought. Even when he was walking to his bedroom from the kitchen, the painting bolted onto the wall reminded him of the blue in Troye’s eyes.

That same damn blue which kept him up at night.

-

2nd April 2014.

His day had been long a grueling, but not as bad as they previously were. He handed in all the necessary work; to much surprise to his teachers. It was as mundane as a school day could get, he arrived to school a little late, due to the bus, which he took to save petrol, having to stop a few extra times for new students. Connor felt almost sorry for them, starting in the middle of the term was always hard. Yet he never said anything, letting them stumble onto the bus, wide-eyed and almost trembling. The girl’s eyes were blue, and it only brought him plummeting back into his thoughts, a certain boy on his mind.

His day progressed normally from that point onward, which mostly involved him blocking out most people and trying to concentrate on taking notes. Classes that day weren’t as bad as Connor thought they would be, especially calculus, which he dreaded. But alas it passed without fault and soon Connor was on the bus home again, storming in the door and heading straight for his room to drop off his bag. He glanced at the mirror on his way past, noticing his slightly flustered appearance. His face was a little red and his hair looked a bit greasy.

A few moments later he was devoid of his clothing and under the hot spray of the shower. Letting the soft water trail down his back and splash onto the shower floor. He massaged the shampoo into his hair while relishing at the relaxed feelings flowing through him, the warm atmosphere taking him away from his head for a little while. 15 minutes pass and he is standing in his room, a towel hung on his hips and his closet door opened. Clothes were strewn everywhere as he tried to decide what to wear. His hand reached out to grab the black ripped jeans which lay on his wardrobe floor, creased. They looked generally clean so he tossed them onto his bed quickly and turned back to the closet doors. Sifting through his t-shirts and jumpers, he found a grey jumper, embellished with a black and white American flag on it. With a smile of glee he tossed it onto the bed as well.

He slid the jeans up his legs and fastened the button, glancing at his appearance in the mirror. His petite figure was complimented by the dark colours of the outfit. He pulled at the jumper sleeves slightly, starting to feel anxious about picking up Troye. They hadn’t talked since that day in the car and it was worrying Connor. He didn’t know how he was supposed to act, were they friends? Acquaintances?

He tried to calm himself down as he passed the bathroom, on his way to the front door. He stopped and backtracked, walking into the bathroom hastily. He searched the metal shelves for the small can and found it with a sigh of relief. He sprayed the body spray over himself, vaguely over doing it. He lifted his sleeve up to his nose, the strong scent of the body spray slightly stinging his nose. His legs carried him anxiously out the door, checking the time.

The clock read 4.34pm.

-

Troye’s appointment was at 5.40, so they usually left his house at around 5.10. He was on perfect time. As soon as he stopped outside of Troye’s house, he noticed a few things which were off. The front room curtains, which usually showed the TV playing some type of movie, was now shut, unable to see into the window, he furrowed his eyebrows. Were they away somewhere?

Connor hastily got out of his car, roaming his way to the front door. He smoothed out his jumper with the palms of his hands before taking a deep breath and knocking on the door, not knowing what to expect. After a few moments of awkward silence, he heard footsteps approach the door, and a lock being opened.

The door crept open and a young girl around 17 appeared. She had a pair of thick black framed glasses resting on her nose and was clad in a black hoodie and grey leggings. She looked strikingly familiar to Troye, with her sharp jaw line and big blue eyes.

She opened the door further and motioned for Connor to come in, an apologetic look on her face. Connor stepped into the small house and glanced around, it was exactly what you would expect. As she led him into the kitchen, he glanced around at all the pictures hung up on the walls, his eyes catching on Troye’s innocent features.

Once they reached the kitchen they sat down at the table, the girl’s eyes staring into his intensely.

“You must be Connor, I’m sage… Troye’s sister”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you! Is your brother here? We have to go soon” he laughed slightly at the end of his sentence, trying to cover up how awkward he was being.

Before she could reply, a sleepy Troye came shuffling into the kitchen, a yawn escaping his lips as he approached the table. He had a black shirt on, which was at least two sizes too big on him and a pair of red checked pyjama bottoms which hung low on hips. As Connor’s eyes raked over the other boy’s body he couldn’t help but feel weird about the whole situation. From the corner of his eye she saw sage shoot him a weird look. He looked up quickly and shot her a nervous smile, whilst turning so he could greet Troye.

“Hi Troye, did you only wake up?”

“Yeah.. I was up until like 5am and slept through most of the day”

“That’s okay, but we have to leave soon..”

“Yeah, I’m going to go get dressed, I’ll meet you out in the car?”

Connor didn’t have to be asked twice as he nodded Sage farewell and darted out of the front door. He was mentally slapping himself for practically checking him out.. and in front of his sister.

-

The cold air blew into the small car as Connor sat back with a sigh; it hadn’t taken long before Troye was joining him in the vehicle, an awkward silence overcoming them. It soon dissipated however when the radio was turned on, joyous melodies filling the car. When they arrived at the hospital, Troye got out wordlessly, slowly making his way to the entrance of the hospital.

It was now a while later and he was waiting for Troye at the front entrance of the hospital. The sun was starting to rear its head again causing the air to be humid and warm, not a combination Connor admired. His grey sweater certainly didn’t help the equation. He pulled at the jumper whilst trying to get comfy.. What was taking Troye so long?

His thoughts were interrupted as the car suddenly opened, a head of curls making its way into his vision. Troye slid into the seat and buckled up his belt, a small smile on his face. His cheeks were flushed and his hands slightly shaking.

“You okay?”

“More than okay, they showed me the results of the tests.. it’s not spreading!”

A leap of happiness jumped inside of Connor, he felt happy for Troye. Without a second thought he reached over and pulled Troye into his arms, holding on tightly as Troye lightly chuckled. The hug caught him off guard but he appreciated the kind gesture. Connor pulled away from Troye and smiled at him, realising Troye couldn’t see his reaction. He spoke up, an exciting tone seeping into his voice.

“That’s amazing Tro!” he tried to convey as much genuine happiness as he could into the sentence, compensating for Troye’s lack of sight. Without a second thought, he rushed out the question.

“Do you maybe wanna go get something to eat..?..To celebrate?” Connor bit his tongue as he tried to catch Troye’s reaction. The younger boy looked slightly conflicted for a second but then nodded slightly, a hint of a smile gracing his lips.

“Yeah sure, where do you want to go?”

-

Café Amore had always been Connor’s favourite place to go, ever since he was little him and Beth had always went every Sunday. After Beth died Connor hadn’t had the courage to go without her, but as he sat there with the blue eyed boy he couldn’t help but miss the small building.

The walls were a pastel yellow colour, dark wooden trimmings around the room. The door was on the far left, opposite the long counter. On display were many baked goods, anything you could think of, pastries, sandwiches; Connor remembered once coming here as a kid and they gave him a free strawberry tart for helping them hand out flyers. He was delighted at the time; the sweet pastry seemed like the ultimate reward.

They stepped hastily out of the small red car, Connor opening and closing the door as quickly as he could to make his way over to the other side; meeting the blue eyed boy. He reached out uncertainly, going to help Troye into the small building but stopped his administrations when he received a sharp look from the other. Troye slid a small black cylinder out of his back pocket, extending it in his hands. The wrist strap attached to the end of the stick became wrapped around his small wrist as he tapped it tryingly onto the gravelled ground of the car park.

Connor stood there helplessly as Troye made his way towards the café. He was marvelled at how the younger boy could get around so easily, it seemed like Troye barely needed any help at all. Maybe it was because he’d had many years to get used to his disability. His heart pulled uncomfortably thinking about how upset Troye was in the car earlier that month, the Australian would never get to live a normal life, and that’s what hurt Connor the most. He took things for granted and never appreciated things enough. Here Troye was, with no sight at all, but he managed to go through his life without that much of fault.

The bell on top of the stained glass door rang out as the two boys walked into the café. The atmosphere was joyful and warm as nearly all the seats were taken up; the busyness of the place seemed to make Troye stop in his tracks. Connor felt a soft touch run down his arm then to situate itself onto his wrist. Troyes touch tightened when he was sure he had the right grip on the other boy, the unexpected ask for help surprised Connor but nonetheless he gently pulled his arm away from Troyes grip and then reciprocated by laying a firm hand on the small of his friends back. He looked around the café for another moment, trying to scope out a free seat, once he found a vacated booth beside the window he led the boy over to it; giving Troye time to reach out his hands and feel the hard wooden corner of the booths edge.

They sat across from each other, their knees touching as a comfortable silence laid over them; it was quickly broken however when Connor started reading out the items of the menu to the other boy. He quickly stopped when he noticed Troye had his own menu in his hands, his finger was running over the small indentations on the menu. Brail.

Heat washed over his cheeks as he closed his mouth after mumbling an embarrassed apology.

“Don’t say sorry, you were being sweet..” the words tumbled out of Troye’s mouth and maybe Connor was just imagining it but he could have sworn there was a blush painting Troye’s cheeks.

They sat in silence after that, only speaking up when a humble waiter came over to take their order. She was soft spoken and had a round face with hooded eyes. Her eyes lingered on Troye a little too long but she snapped out of her thoughts and turned to Connor asking them if they were ready to order. Once Connor had ordered the woman kept her attention focused on him expectedly; he didn’t realise what was wrong until she spoke up again.

“And for your friend?”

Oh.

“I’m pretty sure he can order for himself. He’s blind; not stupid.” His answer was quick and short and he could easily see the regret shining in through her eyes, the apologies she was hurriedly spouting didn’t do much to appease Connors temper however.

“He is sitting right there! And the menus have brail if you never noticed, can I speak to yo-“

His rant was cut off short by an exasperated looking Troye; he was fiddling with the frayed sleeves of his jumper. His eyes were cast down; Connor could see they were becoming slightly red.  His heart hurt a little bit at the sight.

“I’ll have the same as him. Thank you” his voice was soft as he glanced up in Connors direction, slightly shaking his head at him. The gesture screamed ‘ _just leave it’_.

The tension dissipated quickly once the waiter left, Troye seemed to have returned back to normal but Connor was still slightly angry, how could someone treat a person like that? Like they weren’t even there?

Connors thoughts must have been obvious to Troye as he spoke up not a moment later.

“These things happen, there’s nothing you can do. Don’t let it annoy you.”

He was looking down again, his hands shaking more and more as moments go on. The amount of emotions present in those few words were heart breaking. All Connor could think about was that Troye was used to this happening; used to being treated as less of a human just because of his disability. Without much thought he reached over the table to where Troye’s hands were shaking in his lap, he brought them up gently to the table and held them in his own; trying to calm Troye down.

“You shouldn’t _have_ to deal with this; it’s not fair on you!”

Connors thumb ran softly over Troyes hands as he held them tightly. This seemed to calm Troye down a great deal as his hands had stopped shaking and he was no longer looking down in his lap, but instead his head was moving around slightly, giving the illusion that he was looking around at specific things.

Troye moved his hands back into his lap and pulled the sleeves of his jumper over his hands. His eyes were once again glancing towards Connor, if anyone was walking past, you wouldn’t have been able to tell Troye couldn’t see him. It was as if Troye was looking straight at him, and through him at the same time.

“Thank you Connor”

The words were so soft he wasn’t sure whether he heard the other boy speak at all. Pride rose in his chest, he helped. Not only was Connor over the moon to have helped him in some way, but the blush which had appeared on the other boys cheeks was also a bonus. 

-

Its colder now, the sun has started to set; yellow- pink tones gradient over the sky creating a beautiful landscape. The low hum of the car runs on as Connor stalls in front of the bright blue door. The neighbourhood looks beautiful at this time, it’s as if everything was at a standstill, as if the world was at a pause for this _one_ moment. He’s nervous, there’s no doubt about it.. but why? Its only Troye.

He casts his eyes from the sky for a moment as a breath escapes his lips. The sun is shining down on Troye at just the perfect angle, the depths of his jawline and cheeks highlighted by the natural shine leaving him in an almost radiant glow. The usual dark brown curls on his head are transformed into a mess of caramel and gold; and his eyes, oh god, his eyes.. they have this particular shine in them that just sets Troye apart from everyone else. His nose, his full pink lips; Connor was taking in _all_ of Troye. He was breath-taking.

 Before he knew what he was doing, his back was leaning himself forward, his eyes starting to close. He was so close he could feel Troyes hot breath against his own; his heart was beating faster and faster, Connor was worried Troye could hear it.

Suddenly everything came back to him, Troye had pulled away. Connor stared after him as he mumbled a weak goodbye before sliding out of the car and carefully making his way back to his home. Connor didn’t get out to walk with him. The bang of the car door shutting behind him startled Connor slightly, he was slowly starting to realise what had almost happened.

The next time Connor thinks of Troye he is at home and lying in his bed. He stares up at the ceiling; thoughts and feelings flowing through his mind like a river he can’t stop. Thoughts about blue eyes like the ocean played with his mind; he’s drowning in his worries but what can he do when the one thing that lets him breath can bring him down under even deeper. The image of Troye in his car, cast in sunlight won’t leave his mind.

He _knew_ what he was feeling for Troye; that’s something he can’t change. Just because he had feelings for the other boy didn’t mean he had to acknowledge them. It’s easier to run away.

-

4th April 2014.

“That’s okay; you just let us know when you can help again”

“Yeah, I definitely will!”

The phone was placed back on the hook with a loud click and Connor breathed out a sigh. The tight squeezing of his chest sent a guilt driven chill down his back, he was a terrible person. Troye considered him a friend; that much he knew, the younger boy had been very open about his lack of companions and how he appreciated Connor being there for him. The feelings were easily reciprocated and in the short time that they have known each other Connor would consider Troye his best friend.

_You’re not supposed like a ‘best friend’ in that way._

There the voice goes again, that damn forsaken voice which Connor knew was speaking the truth; but will Connor acknowledge it? No. he was going to ignore it for as long as he can. It was cop out, he knew that. Lying about not being able to volunteer because your car was ‘ _broken_ ’ was not the most moral of excuses but what other choice did he have.

He may want to see Troye; but it was better if he kept his distance.

-

19th April 2014.

He had the dream again. The coldness had been surrounding him, like ice growing on his skin and seeping into his veins; freezing over his whole body. The ice wasn’t normal ice though.. no. This ice was different. It was a sparkling bright blue colour and it moved almost like water, carefully gliding itself over Connors skin in a way that only liquid could achieve. 

It always starts at his feet and works its way up his legs, clinging to his skin like sharp teeth. He could feel it too, as it grew the nipping sensation just got worse and worse and before he knew it he would be covered in the blue ice; chilled to the bone. It’s almost similar to shock when he wakes up, in the dream he would be so numb with the cold that he would go stiff, his dream body would be unable to move as the ice ate at his skin repeatedly. When he awoke he would be sweating and constricted in his bed, the warmth from the sheets is anything but inviting.

Blue had never been his favourite colour, he had always thought it was too cold.

Connor wrestled with the sheets, haphazardly throwing them onto the floor. The room was dark and his mattress felt uncomfortable and just nothing felt right. Once his breathing had calmed down a bit he lifted his stiff body off of the mattress and swung his legs over the edge of the bed; making sure not to stand on any of the shit he had strewn over his room. The bathroom was a long walk due to his now pounding head, it felt like he didn’t get any sleep at all and his steps felt dizzy and disorientated.

He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall on his way to the bathroom.

4.03 am.

The bright fluorescent light of the small bathroom blinded him for a moment, causing him to guard his eyes with the back of his hands. Once he could see normally he glanced in the mirror.

Hair stuck to his forehead with sweat.

Red blood shot eyes.

His lips chapped and broken from where he was subconsciously biting them during the night.

He looked like shit.

The bright blue t-shirt he had unknowingly threw on last night was stuck to him with sweat; yet all he could think about was that same damn blue in his demons eyes. His demon was unlike others; his demon had eyes which were a little too big and lips which were too pink to be natural. His demon was beautiful and that made his situation ten times worse.

Glancing in the mirror like this, at 4am let him see how much of a mess he had become. All the sleepless nights were starting to add up in a counter which was proudly displayed under his eyes. The conflicting thoughts present in the tears which were threatening to spill.

He was done putting himself through this torture.

He could do it.

He will do it.

For Troye.

For himself.

For Beth.

With trembling lips and a hoarse throat he opened his mouth and began to mumble the words which would hopefully make all the bad thoughts go away.

“I-I’m g...”

The words were stuck in his throat; they wouldn’t come out no matter how hard he tried. He bit down on the lip and opened his mouth once again, forcing the syllables to pass his lips and drift out into the open air.

“I-I’m g..gay”

 -

23rd April 2014.

A wind chilled through the air as a light spray of rain cascaded from the cloudy and dark sky. The spring weather was coming in full force, a little late in Connors opinion. He thanked whatever god that gave him the idea to wear his _Nike_ hoodie, because the small heater in his car wasn’t doing much in regards to heating up his frozen fingers.

The drive into the blue neighbourhood didn’t take long as Connor lived fairly close to the other boy’s house. He had phoned the hospital the night before, letting them know that he could pick up Troye again. The conversation was short and the woman was quick to dismiss Connors apologies with a short thanks. He took it with a grain of salt and was just grateful she didn’t point out his obvious lie of his car needing fixed.

After that night in the bathroom he began trying to accept himself, accept his sexuality. He couldn’t change who he was, hell, he shouldn’t need to! It was as if his eyes had been opened to a whole different community of others; whenever he went out he would notice two boys holding hands, before that sight may have made him grimace slightly, now things were different. He wasn’t completely okay with himself just yet but he knew that would take time. One thing for certain was that he definitely wasn’t ready to tell his family yet; he didn’t know how they wold react. How would his peers in school take it?

How would Troye take it?

Strong and beautiful Troye; would he jump into Connors arms confessing his undying love? Would he push Connor away and be disgusted. Connor didn’t know what to expect.

Before he told him anything though he would need to make it up to Troye somehow, explain why he had been absent. Troye might not have even missed Connor. He tried not to dwell on that thought for very long though; it’s better to have hope, right?

Once he had pulled into the estate he stopped in front of the bright blue door and held his breathe. His heart was starting to beat and the anxiety was rising in his chest as he opened the door of his car and shakily walked up the drive to Troye’s house. He could do this. The closer he got to the entrance of the house, the more guilt dripped into his veins causing the shame to make him squirm uncomfortably. What he did wasn’t right and he knew it.

The painted wood felt cold and slick under his knuckles as he stepped away after knocking on the door. After a few seconds of waiting the door opened revealing Troye’s features. He looked the exact same as how he looked weeks ago; his eyes were still sparkling blue and his lips full with colour. His expression however was similar to stone. Not a hint of a smile was present on his face as he stepped out of the door frame and brushed past Connor.

The car ride was filled with so much tension you could practically feel it in the air. At the start Connor had tried turning on some music to dissipate it a bit but once he noticed Troyes knuckles turning white from gripping his knees, he quickly turned it off. The younger boy’s eyebrows were furrowed and a scowl was painted on his usually soft-expressioned face.

Connor didn’t know what to say, so when Troye got out of the car without a word he didn’t question it. He waited in the car park as usual and when the loud ringing from his timer went off he drove to the front of the hospital to meet Troye.

Nothing much happened apart from the thick tension which was still present in the car, Connor was starting to believe that he couldn’t fix this. He drove into the small estate and passed the blue houses, stopping in front of the bright blue door once again. His heart was stammering in his chest and he was willing himself to say something, anything. Connor couldn’t let this fester on any longer.

Troye had his hand on the door handle and was a second from exiting the car and leaving their problems behind; but Connor had different ideas. He reached out quickly and grabbed hold of the other boy’s small wrist.

“Wait.. Troye-“

Troyes eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were in a tight line, his hands were starting to shake slightly; Connor could see how frustrated he was becoming.

“What do _you want_ Connor! You ignore me for two weeks with absolutely no explanation and then you just expec-“

It was as if a force pushed him into Troye, his hands quickly cupping the younger boy’s cheeks and pulling him forward. His skin felt soft under Connors touch and he ran his thumbs over the smooth surface as he felt it heat slightly. Their lips touched softly, it was short and sweet and Connors hands were trembling and his chest was pounding and everything seemed right in that moment.

Connor pulled away and glanced upon Troye’s flustered face, his eyes were open comically wide and his lips were slightly pouted; his cheeks flushed resembling a bright pink colour. He retracted his hands from Troyes face and brought them into a nervous ball on his lap, words which were once burning in his tongue, now lost.

“I Just..”

It felt as if someone had punched Connor straight in his stomach and his words were unable to leave his mind to form coherent sentences. He paused his thoughts and tried to talk once again.

“I had to figure some things out.. meeting you, it just, it changed how I think, how I look at everything. I thought I needed distance an-“

Troyes voice was soft and hesitant as he interrupted Connor.

“Distance from what though..”

“from this, from you. I was terrified with what I was feeling; I’m still trying to come to terms with it”

“..”

“Troye.. I’m gay”

Connor didn’t notice until then that tears had been trailing their way down his cheeks, Troye’s face becoming slightly blurred. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for. Finally someone knows the real him. He cast his vision down to his hands, taking Troye’s silence for all the confirmation he needed. Troye didn’t accept him.

He was startled by a pale hand hitting itself against his nose, Connors face jumping backwards slightly as he noticed Troye leaning forward to situate his arms around him. He felt the boys curly hair against the side of his neck as he brought Troye into his arms, squeezing hard and letting the rest of his unreleased tears spill over into Troyes shoulder.

 “I’m so fucking proud of you Con, so fucking proud”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello.. so this is a thing again. I have exams in January which i should be revising for but i thought i would much rather write this, so yeah here we are.  
> In other news BLUE NEIGHBORHOOD is amazing and i just can't deal with it.  
> I also got vip tickets for Troye's Dublin show so i'm so fucking excited!  
> (one chapter left of thisss storryyyyy, hopefully i can get it done by the end of 2015 aha)  
> ((but knowing my terrible updating streak i'm gonna aim for the end of 2016))


	3. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine if I can breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The (probably) last addition I will do for this story. I really love writing so I am considering doing some original stuff but I’m not certain yet.  
> Anyhow, please enjoy this final segment, it's (mostly) just sickening fluff to be honest. Please keep in mind that this wasn’t supposed to be the end of the story, there was another 10k words at least to be written, so I’m sorry if it seems like it finishes very abruptly with no warning.  
> Tumblr: Playboytroye.tumblr.com  
> Full Troye Sivan Dublin Concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXk8GnTVyJo

Connor was nervous to see Troye again after he had told the boy his biggest secret. It had been a few weeks since it had happened; since he revealed all of his darkest demons to his near angelic counterpart. Since that fateful day Connor couldn't stop thinking about them shining blue eyes which held so much emotion as they stared back at him. He always felt that Troye saw him better than anyone else could, the other boy wasn’t just looking at him, he was looking through him. Through his worries, fears.. He could see the real Connor behind all the barriers he had built up since Beth’s death.

As he stood there on the rough concrete of the walkway, he felt his heart hammering in his chest. The younger boy had asked him to come over a little earlier than usual, he didn’t give a reason but due to their sickeningly sweet honeymoon stage, Connor didn’t argue and just agreed to show up at the time he was told, which evidently was now. His short legs carried him quickly down the pathway to the house, stopping in front of the brightly coloured door.

He knocked gingerly on the plastic-like wood and stepped back, waiting for the door to be opened. Soon enough a head was revealed and a warm smile was graced upon its features. Connor recognised the face immediately and shot Laurelle a sincere smile. Ever since that night in the car, he was spending more time in the Mellet residence than he’d like to admit. More times than not, Laurelle would be the one to greet him with a warm hug and kind smile before ushering him off to Troye’s room.  

The house’s warm atmosphere immediately surrounded him as he made his way down the hall and into his lover’s room.  As soon as he entered the space he could immediately spot the huddled up figure buried deep beneath the blue duvet covers. With haste Connor approached the creature who was currently making home under the sheets, sitting on the edge of the bed and resting his hand on what seemed to be the bed-goblin’s shoulder. The Troye-shaped frame moved slightly under Connor’s touch, letting out an annoyed groan at being woken up. A soft smiled graced Connor’s lips as he watched as the younger boy move stubbornly, refusing to acknowledge his presence.

Connor moved closer to the huddled figure and traced his hand softly from his shoulder down to the exposed skin at his neck. His cold hands caused Troye to jump slightly at the unexpected wintry touch; but soon enough he found himself leaning into Connor’s hand. He brushed his hands over his neck in soothing patterns before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss at the soft skin.

“Wake up Tro..” The words were mumbled into his neck as Connor nuzzled his face further into the other boy’s warmth. He pulled away slightly to see Troye with a shy smile on his plump lips. He reached his thin arms out from the covers and snaked them around Connor’s neck, pulling him down onto the mattress beside him, and cuddling him close, trying to heat up the other boy’s chilly body.

“Can we just stay like this forever” Troye’s words came out mumbled and broken as he snuggled closer to the other boy.

“I wish we could, you’re so warm” Connor sighed reluctantly and left Troye’s arms, leaving a sweet kiss on his forehead before pulling the covers quickly off of his body, dropping them on the floor beside the bed. A shocked gasp left his lips followed by a look of betrayal gracing his sleepy features.

“Now we’re both cold! – no, get away from me, I’m mad at you right now!”

As much as he tried Troye couldn’t dodge the attack from the older boy as he was engulfed quickly into a tight hug; Connor couldn’t help but breath in Troye’s scent, it reminded him of absolute affection and warmth. With minimal struggle from the other, Connor held Troye to his chest, running his finger down Troye’s spine and back up the base of his neck.

“You gotta get ready soon.. or else you’ll have to go in your pyjamas..”

Troye lifted his head from Connor’s chest and sat back a little, lifting his arms from around Connor’s shoulders and bringing them up to splay on his cheeks. He paused his administrations to stroke the soft skin under his thumbs before pulled the older boys face towards his own; their lips meeting softly.

“Your breath smells”

“You smell”

A light chuckled escaped from Connor’s lips as he pushed Troye away, watching as he slid himself off of the bed, letting his feet find their way down to the hard wood of the floor. His arms extended themselves in front of him while he began walking towards the door, guiding himself to the bathroom.

It still amazed Connor how _able_ Troye was. He knew his house like the back of his hand, needing little to no help in navigating through the building. It seemed that the younger boy knew where every little thing was placed.

The house itself was organised in a way that aided easy navigation, there were clear pathways put in place, where no furniture was blocking an entrance or a doorway. The lack of furniture made sense and Connor gave Troye’s parents a mental pat on the back for thinking so much ahead for their son.

It didn’t take long before Troye had returned with a spray bottle of liquid in his hands. Connor made a noise of recognition at the other boy’s return, letting him know he was still there. He felt the bed dip beside him, a slim figure now sitting to his right.

“Sagey usually does this for me, but I thought that...that you were here... y’know what it doesn’t matter, I’ll go a-“ as he was getting up from the bed again Connor grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him back down beside him; placing his hand on the small of Troye’s back, rubbing it in soothing motions to calm the younger boy; urging  the boy to continue.

“This is sea salt spray, and it makes my hair go all curly... could you just spray it in my hair? And kind of ruffle it a bit?”

Connor made a noise of agreement and carefully took the bottle of the product from Troye. He moved slightly so that he was sat behind him, bringing the clear spray bottle up to the other boy’s hair; he applied the spray evenly on top of his head, before placing the bottle back down on the bed beside him. The hair underneath his fingertips was soft and slightly wet from the spray as he began to card his way through the chocolate locks. He could visibly see the ringlets start to form as he continued in his ministrations.

Troye leant into the soothing touch of Connor’s hands running through his hair, he enjoyed how intimate and personal the action felt. Just being close to the other boy was enough to make him feel at ease.

“All done” Connor’s hands left his head but instead situated themselves around his waist, bringing Troye close to his chest. The soft breathing against the back of his neck caused Troye to further delve himself into Connor’s embrace.

After a few moments of letting himself relish in the comfort of the other boy’s arms, Troye reluctantly moved away from Connor and off of the bed.

“I need to get dressed”

Connor watched as Troye walked over to the closet adorning the far wall of the room; he had his arms outstretched and paused his walking once he felt the cold wood of the wardrobe under his hands. The mahogany doors of the furniture opened with ease displaying shelves of neatly folded clothes. The closet contained an array of choicely coloured t-shirts and shirts, combined with a few pairs of jeans.

The closet opened with ease as Troye made a motion with his hands for the older boy to come closer; Connor did as he was asked quickly.

“Can you get me my yellow jumper? It’s pretty cold out.”

Without hesitation Connor leaned himself towards the closet and scanned its contents for a moment, sussing out the desired piece of clothing. Once he found it, he extended his hand towards the jumper and grabbed it, marvelling in the soft material for a second before giving it to the other boy. A blush adorned his cheeks as Troye placed a quick kiss on his cheek in gratitude.

It didn’t take long for Troye to grab the rest of his clothes, all his jeans and socks and underwear seemed to be organised in very specific sections of his closet. His jeans were neatly folded on the right beside the t-shirts while his socks and underwear where separated and in baskets at the bottom of the wardrobe.

After picking a random pair of socks and underwear Troye started to make his way to the bathroom once again, this time only to return in his fresh set of clothes. The older boy couldn’t help but admire how adorable and cuddly Troye looked in his jumper; it was slightly too big on him and draped over his small frame, the sleeves being too long so they covered his hands in the cutest way possible.

“Stop staring at me you dork”

A few seconds pass and suddenly Connor was beside Troye again, surprising him my placing a slobbery exaggerated kiss on his cheek; the action was humble and caring and caused Troye to blush profusely.

“How can I not stare at you when you look oh so adorable” Connor drawled out his response and draped his arms around Troye’s neck, bringing him closer. In turn he felt the younger boys arms slide around his waist and hold onto him tightly. The embrace grew closer as their lips met once again, a new found passion finding the kiss.

Connor felt Troye’s tongue finding its way into his mouth, turning the kiss more heated and intense than before.  Their mouths battled against one another until the noise of a throat clearing torn them apart. The two boys jumped apart from each other as an awkward looking Laurelle stood in the door way.

“I think it’s time for you boys to go, you don’t want to miss your appointment do you?”

-

With blushed cheeks and scattered movements the two had made it to Troye’s appointment with little to no hassle. They kept in mind Laurelle’s warning about being late and had rushed out the door to make sure that they would get there in time. The hospital was generally quiet around this time on a Saturday so they arrived there with ease. Connor had parked the car as normal and was surprised when Troye glanced up at him tensely. He was fidgeting with his hands one again and that was how Connor knew that the other boy was nervous.

“Can you... come with me..?”

Before Connor had even let out a single word in response Troye was already shaking his head dismissively, trying to disregard what he just said.

“Actually never mind... just forget I asked”

Connor was conflicted.

Every time he even thought about the pristine white building, bad feelings and thoughts would fill his mind to the point he thought he would explode. The haunting memories of Beth in that hospital bed, hooked up to so many wires and machines kept him up at night. She lost all her humanity in that building; she became a shell of who she used to be. The treatment that she was undergoing had sucked all life from her frail body, only leaving a void host in its wake.

Before Troye, hospitals had represented death.

Plain and simple.

But now... things seemed different.

Whenever he thought of hospitals now, the images that came into his head weren’t the cold hospital rooms or white pristine floors, no.

Whenever he thought of them he also thought of Troye.

Sweet and caring Troye, who was probably scared shitless to go in alone but had no other choice. He was always so brave and so strong; whether that be for himself or for his family Connor didn’t know. He just knew that he had so much strength in his lanky form for both him and Connor combined. The older boy felt slightly helpless when it came to Troye, he didn’t know how to help the other. But now was his chance; Troye was asking for his help and Connor wasn’t going to deny him.

Troye was already half way out the car door when Connor rushed to open his own door and meet Troye at the other side of the car. He locked the vehicle and placed his hand on the small of Troye’s back; beginning to lead him into the dreaded building. The shivers were already starting to build up at the back of his neck but he ignored them in favour of guiding his lover.

Whenever they got into the hospital doors there was lady who greeted them with a soft smile; she seemed slightly surprised that Troye wasn’t alone but led them down the long hall regardless. It didn’t take them long to get seen to and Connor was transfixed at how seamless the whole process was.

First, the doctor had talked to Troye about what was going to happen and what he needs to do; he also handed him a packet of information which Connor assumed was for his parents. After the meeting Troye was advised to sit in a comfortable looking chair whilst they began piercing his pale skin with long needles, at the other end of the needles were bags of fluid. The treatment went smoothly and Connor looked on as the needles were removed from his skin once again. It looked painful but Troye barely even blinked at the intrusion.

Fast forward about 30 minutes and Connor was leading Troye out the hospital, he had become weaker from the treatment and had appreciated Connors stead hold to keep him upright. While they were walking back to the car the older boy couldn’t help but gaze upon Troye’s tired looking features. His eyes looked more sunken in and his skin looked greyer than he had ever seen it. In the briefing they had told Troye that the nurses would be using a more concentrated dosage but neither boy expected the side effects to be as bad as they were.

Connor leaned Troye against the car whilst he worked on pulling his keys out of his back pocket and unlocking the faded red vehicle. The air had grown chillier and Troye was shivering, the thick jumper that adorned his torso not doing a very good job at keeping the heat in.

Once he had the car door opened he helped the frail boy into the car, slightly flinching at how ice cold his skin felt. As soon as he had his own door closed and the vehicle started Connor turned up the heat to the highest setting, glancing at shivering presence sat next to him.

“Are you okay?”

The question was hesitant and timid when it left Connors lips; he waited patiently for a response from the younger.

“Not really, but I’m going to pretend I am. People won’t worry as much then, they rather you be sick and happy than sick and depressed. I don’t want to give them another reason to worry”

The words that left Troye’s mouth broke Connors heart.

Troye was such a beautiful and kind person, yet all he has known is sadness and sickness. He reached out and brought the trembling boy into his arms, trying to smother him in as much heat as possible. Soft whimpers made their way past Troye’s lips as Connor held on tighter. Connor ran his hand up and down his back lightly; encouraging the shaking boy to let out all of the held back tears.

“it’s okay.. it’s okay.. just let it all out- it’s okay to cry Troye.. that’s right.. you’ll be okay.. everything will be okay”

A pit of warmth warmed Connor’s heart as the younger boy snuggled himself into his neck, trying to steal as much of his warmth as he could. The feeling of soft lips on his neck was enough to make Troye to move away slightly, one of Troye’s shaking hands caressed the side of his face, roaming the soft skin until his thumb found his lips. The finger stayed there for a little before moving so he could pull Connors face down to meet his own

The kiss was soft and gentle; barely there... but it contained so many unspoken words and feelings that nothing else mattered. The whole world around them was turned off for that one moment while their lips met in soft rhythm.

By the end of the kiss Connor’s head was spinning and his hands were shaking with the sheer passion and care that the gesture contained. It was astounding that such a small action could mean so much between them.

After a few minutes of embracing, Troye had calmed down enough to be just content with holding Connor’s hand, the point of contact easing his nerves. They contentedly sat in the car park of the hospital for a few minutes, just basking in the calmness of the situation. The cloudy sky outside was starting to become a dark grey; meaning that the rain would surely be starting soon. Soon enough they were back on the road to Troye’s house, who looked as if he was nearly falling asleep beside him.

Connor used one hand to steer the car, and the other to run soothing patterns with his thumb into Troye’s hand. It felt nice to be with the other boy, his whole sense of being was enough to bring Connor serenity. The clouds above them started to rain down heavily as they drove their way back to the blue neighbourhood, the soft pitter-patter sounds on the window was slowly lulling Troye into a peaceful sleep. Even as he rested, his hand still clutched tightly to Connor’s, almost using it as something to keep him grounded.

As Connor pulled in front of Troye’s house he sighed dejectedly; he didn’t want to say goodnight just yet. If things were Connor’s way, he would never have to say goodbye to Troye. They may not have known each other for very long but Connor could picture a life with Troye; he could imagine the lazy Sundays in bed and the drunken Saturday nights. He could see their beautiful children playing with their too-enthusiastic dog. He has already fallen so deeply for Troye he doesn’t know how to get back up.


	4. Let's pretend it hasn't been 1000 years since I last updated

**01/05/2016 UPDATE: I posted the 3k words and it is in the previous chapter :)**

 

Hello!! I'm sorry that I don't update this anymore, due to current reasons it hasn't felt right to write about Troye and Connor anymore, I'm sorry. 

I have about 3,000 words done of what was supposed to be the final chapter of this, it isn't even a third done and it's very incomplete. I could post that if anyone wants to read it. 

Also just a little note, I went to see Troye in Dublin on the 15th and the concert was amazing!! He is truly ethereal live. I also got to meet him on the 14th, he's such a sweetheart and it warms my heart to see him do so well!!! 

Anyway, let met know if you want me to post the 3k words I have done; but I doubt I will finish this story. I might take a notion some day and just finish it for completions sake, but as of right now I don't have any motivation for this story. Thank you for understanding!! 


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